hey, im Lara, im english and 15 years old. and this is my life. my life comes with its ups and downs, but doesn't everyones, im gonna give u an update of my day to day life, and what mistakes i have made and how i learned from them, and trust me we all make mistakes.

first thing i have learnt, Nobodys perfect!♥

we all try to be our best, well i try? perfect nails perfect hair, perfect smile, perfect make-up. but that all comes at a cost one big cost. i could wake up in the morning and be a natural beauty... well im not im far from it, i dont dress up to impress or satisfy others, i do it for myself because it give me the confidence for that day. i cover up my face with my makeup and put my hair nice then put my best smile on and start my day, yes i said it, put my best smile on, because its not a true one i hide behind a smile i let the world think im okay but really im not im sad and so alone i could be in a room full of a million people and still feel alone, i dont know why i just do.

ive not had the worse life but i have had my fair share of troubles starting from when i was a little girl, just after my first birthday. my parents spilt, i was too younge to understand but one thing was for sure it would affect my future and well to put it straight it did. normally when your parents spilt either on mutural or court agreement the child, or children in my case will either live with there mother or father, but in my case and many others i ended up with my nan, my mum, who suffered with bad deppression and went into a unit because she was not in the right state of mind to look after us, thought it would be best for me and my twin sisters to move in. well how wrong was she, yes im grateful for my nan to bring me up but i missed out on a real mother, although i was younge i understood one big thing my NAN was not my MUM and would never be. i still saw my dad at weekends but the twins didnt, as you can guess my dad was not theres....

my mum first got pregnant at 15 but there dad didnt stay, just for you guys they did meet him 1st when i think it was there 13th he had cancer, my nan didnt really agree with there dad coming back so they only saw there nana once that was it then again when they were 17 3 months before he died they saw him one of my sisters didnt really wanna know him she didnt get and still doesnt understand why he never came back, i think it hurt her when he then died of his terrible illness but im happy that my sisters did get the chance to meet him, my mum also then again got pregnant at 17-18 where she had me with my dad who was 16, they were younge and very silly i learn from there mistakes but its hard when there always telling you to use a condom go to the clinic or as my dad says "stay away from boys" i understand what there saying but cmon lay off it let me make my own mistakes to....

back to my nans.... well i was treated different, my dad was around theres wasn't but it wasnt right. i understood why she gave them something little extra at Christmas and Easter but what about everyday? well this is where it all started i was picked of everything was my fault and i done nothing right. she used to hit me and i think Ive just about been called every name under the sun, it hurt more than you can imagine i tried to tell someone but no one listened they thought i was lying or bending the truth. i was scared.

3 main events i remember...

the youngest was when i couldn't sleep me and my 3 sisters shared the master bedroom and i was sitting up reading an Argos catologe my sisters then came to bed and we was talking... my nan snuck up the stairs she saw i was up and my heart became so fast she then grabbed my hair and whacked my head into the wall you can hear the three of us screaming and my sister telling her to she didn't, but once she did i was scared every night i would hide pretend to be asleep

the 2nd was when i was at school she upset me im the morning and i went in crying she then took me from the top of my primary to the reception half way down by my hair no one was around or at least i didn't think so i was balling my eyes out but no one listened

and the last was again at primary, i still hadnt stopped wetting the bed in year 5 i was still peeing my self didnt mean to i did i think it had to do with my nan but i never told anyone my nan never comforted me she blamed me and screamed at me i was already shamed enough then one day she came into school with a nappy in her hand and handed it to me in front of all my friends and told me to hold it i was so upset i dont get how anyone can be so cruel.

but then i started talking i started to tell my dad and by year 7 everything was out and someone started listening but it was too late the pain had been done it would always be in my mind, by year 8 there was a court order being in, but she was not hurting me just calling me names i didn't wanna be there any longer i didn't wanna be alive i tied a scarf around my neck and went to end my life but something stopped me it then happened again in year 9 but my bubba brother stopped me i couldn't do it to them, at the end of year ten i know have moved in with my dad and step mum step sister and bubba bro and I'm happy but Ive been diagnosed with depression 3 weeks after i moved in i had a breakdown and cut my wrists and took alot of antibiotics, i am now stronger but i am still pretending I'm happy and i cant get over my past

woahh that was long but now you can continue to read and you will understand well hopefully♥

music is my life and i always have a song to what im feeling right now its ...

Stay-Miley Cyrus & Jar Of Hearts-Christina Perri♥

i hope you enjoy this now im gonna go watch CSI... ill keep you updated